I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
