mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
