Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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