Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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