my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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