Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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