Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
