eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
