Plan B is the new Plan A
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
