Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
