I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
