You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
