Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
