Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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