he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I cut my penus on the lid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize