do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
