I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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