I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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