Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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