Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
