I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize