just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
