It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
