The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
a search helicopter?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
