Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
