Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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