Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
