I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
