i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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