Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
