In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
