New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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