I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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