I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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