You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
