Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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