I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
