i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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