my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
