i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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