You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
