Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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