i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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