Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
