you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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