I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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