So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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