i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
