Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
