You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
