I faked an abortion last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
