She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
