I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
