playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
