shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
