I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
