Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
