Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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