your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
