Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
