i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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