How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i now understand why vodka
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
