I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
