the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
