apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
