Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
