either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
