I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My cat gives me a boner
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
