I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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