so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
